Gnomes

You might ask why I love garden gnomes. I would ask you why your face is so ugly. There is only one reason needed to love a garden gnome: they’re flippin awesome

I mean, come on. With the pointy hats and rosy cheeks and rustic clothing, garden gnomes are the epitome of cheerfulness. And adorableness. Usually flanked by frogs or hoses or snails, they’re friendly and inviting to all creatures, big, small, and inanimate.

Some may say that garden gnomes are creepy. I say some people should go curl up in a hole and die. Okay, granted, I once did buy a garden gnome for my friend's thirteenth birthday or something, and it was one of those “Paint it yourself!” things, so the eyes were empty and soulless. That particular gnome was creepy. However, it was debatably a lawn gnome, which is vastly different.

On my gravestone, I don’t want bouquets of flowers or balloons, I want a flipping garden gnome.