In Which I Find A Silver Lining

Sometimes I freak out a little about how well I fit the whole "crazy cat spinster lady" persona. At 23, it's a little disconcerting, to say the least.

But then I think, "well, hey, at least my cat likes me."

Silver lining, people!

In Which I Talk About The Awesomeness Of The All Things John GreenRelated

So, Mom continues to not enjoy movies-that-were-once-YA-novels. In her defense, she handled The Maze Runner today a lot better than she did The Fault In Our Stars. Oh, The Fault In Our Stars. 

I will never, ever be able to repay my mother for the trauma that I subjected my mother to by bringing her to see The Fault In Our Stars.

But really. It is a kinda funny story. Now. Weeks later. Long enough for the movie to leave theaters and come out on DVD. Where, in the extended cut, author John Green makes his cameo appearance that was originally in the movie BUT THEY CUT. Because, you know. I may or may not be an expert on all things John Green/TFIOS/nerdfighteria.

SPEAKING OF. 

JOHN GREEN AND BILL GATES are teaming up post-trip to Ethiopia to help raise money for clean water-specifically the building of new wells-- in Ethiopia. A few weeks ago John met up with Bill Gates in Africa where they saw firsthand the staggering lack of health care, and yet the tremendous good what little they did have was doing. In two 3 minute videos from John Green I learned more about the type of health care that does exist in developing countries than I've learned about in all my 23 years. I understand that diarrhea is one of the leading causes of death in children in many countries, because you can't drive to walmart and pick up some Pedialite. Because they don't have clean water, or easy access to IV systems, they get dehydrated and die. From diarrhea! As inconvienient as it is, diarrhea isn't something we have to worry we might die from.

So, Bill Gates said he'll match up to $100,000 in this campaign to raise money for clean water in Ethiopia. 

You can check out more information about it on John Green's tumblr. Or donate here.

And I encourage you to go watch John's video from his trip to Ethiopia! And while you're there, feel free to stick around and watch more of his videos with his brother, Hank at vlog brothers. They're amazing.

UPDATE: It's been about a day, and we've raised $78,000. Sweeeeeeeeeet.

My Body is Weird: Bruises

My body is weird. We know that. Today we are going to explore the weird way it bruises, or, more specifically, the way it doesn't.

I don't know why it doesn't bruise. Maybe because of the more than adequate fat layer surrounding, well, all of it?

But the weird thing is, while it won't bruise for incredibly violent injuries, it WILL bruise for the dumbest, lightest things ever.

Run into the corner of a table in the dark? No bruise. Pinch arm skin in a buckle? No bruise. Smash and crush fingers in a door? No discoloration whatsoever. Any other violent injury that I just can't think of at the moment? You better believe there wont be bruising.

Oh, in fact, when I broke my foot in the sixth grade? The doctor didn't believe that it was broken because it never bruised. "We'll take an x-Ray just in case," she appeased, "but I'm sure it's not broken." I was so triumphant when it was. WHAT NOW, DOCTOR LADY?!

Anyway...

But if I pull a bandaid off my arm?

Bruise. What the heck?

I get these random bruises sometimes, usually on my legs, and I have no idea where they come from. I have absolutely no memory of any injury whatsoever. I just don't understand. 

My body is so whack. Wiggidy-whack. Not the regular type.

So, yes, it's another thing that makes me not-normal. I may be the only person who can drop a brick on heir foot and know for certain that it WON'T bruise.

I'm fond of my weird body quirks. Kinda like I'm fond of my car's, Big Red, quirks. If I was presented with a new car that could actually turn and had reliable air conditioning and had a gas tank that could hold more than 10 gallons, I wouldn't turn it down. But I would miss Big Red and it's mysterious ticking noise and it's backfire tooting noise and it's massive windshield crack that got progressively bigger week by week. We had some good times together, and I'd miss the things that made it special. But only so much.

In Which I Discuss the Onomatopoeia of the Law & Order Sound

So, embarrassingly enough, I've thought about how to write the iconic sound from Law & Order on multiple occasions. You know what sound I'm talking about, right? (If you heard it, you'd recognize it, guaranteed)

I realize this is weird. But I'm weird. Especially when it comes to words and writing.

So, this is a strange onomatopoeia (yes, I had to look up how to spell that). In case you don't remember from 7th grade Language Arts (how could you possibly forget something so amazingly wordy?), onomatopoeia is the words for sounds that sound like the sound they're defining.

Basically, they're the comic book words:

Bam! Slap! Swish! Crack!

Those.

So, seeing as the Law & Order sound is uniquely it's own, but is widely recognize, I figured it should have a word of its own. But what?

I mean, think about it. How in the world do you write that down? How in the word do you SAY that sound? I'd concluded that it's a DUN-DUN, with a bit of a "b" mixed in with both "d"s, with a bit of "sh" mixed in as well. 

But that's a crappy way of imitating it. Aloud or written.

But, curiously enough, I just read in a book someone ELSE talking about the same noise, and I am so very pleased with the way she wrote it: "shook-shook." Not "shock-shock" like I first read it as, but "shook-shook." I still think it needs so "d" in there, but I'm quite proud of Corey Ann Haydu. You go, girl.

Also, she said, "Even the music arrests me, that opening shook-shook noise that says, Something terrible is about to happen." Which is, of course incredibly true.

In Which I Explain the Cookie vs. Cookie Status Story

So, yesterday on Facebook I posted:

"Why is cookie dough so much better than actual cookies? There has to be a scientific reason... I should research. TO GOOGLE!"

Alas, this is not the beginning and end of the story.

See, it was, indeed, 4:17 AM. I had just spent the last four hours on Youtube, watching all sorts of random videos, before deciding I needed a snack. Dad had just baked cookies, so as I was munching on one, I discovered a bowl full of the cookie dough in the fridge. Abandoning the cookie, I proceeded to eat a handful of dough, thinking the thought, "Why is cookie dough so much better than actual cookies? There truly does have to be science behind this." Which led to me then posting the thought on Facebook. I was too tired to research, so I finally turned my light off and went to bed.

Well.

I have never had a more uncomfortable night. Or, you know, morning. Turns out, a handful of cookie dough turns into a BRICK in your stomach when you try to sleep. I spent the next hour tossing and turning, nauseous as all get-out, sweaty and in pain. Why is cookie dough better than cookies? WHO CARES. I wanted to jam my fingers down my throat to get the stuff out of me. 

Needless to say, I never did research why cookie dough is often more tastier than the cookies themselves. I don't want to think about cookie dough ever again.

I'm going back to chocolate milk.