So, sweet, right?
Wrong.
My progress has screeched to a stop as I've encountered, once again, the horrid process of coming up with a name for my Etsy shop.
Dun-dun-DUNNN!!!
I've said it before, and I'll say it a million more times: I cannot title things to save my life. I'm surprised my essays for school never got docked for having such overly-pathetic titles. The documents saved on my computer are all labeled "uh" and "argh" and "jfjjdjcnfkslsjdj" because my brain literally goes blank when it comes to titles. I wrote my journal as a Word document as a teenager, and I called it "fruit loops," because that's what I happened to be eating as I wrote the first entry. (I aimed to subsequently name the next volumes of my personal journal after other cereals, like Frosted Flakes: Holly's Journal Volume II, but I have yet to continue writing a continuous journal, so there goes that idea).
So, how in the world am I supposed to name something as large and important as my Etsy shop? (Side note: will you judge me if I start referring to my website as a shoppe? Because I totally want to be A pretentious wannabe bloke who adds extra letters to things).
I've literally lost hours of sleep over this. So many hours. You see, it can't just be any old name. It has to tell what my product is: picture frames, preferably something jewelry or seashell themed. It has to be creative, because Etsy is known to be creative. (Like, I once saw a shop-- shoppe?-- that was all hand-knit things, called "Too Legit To Knit" which I thought was BOMB... this is a reference to cult classic movie Hot Rod, if you didn't know, FYI, and it's absolutely PERFECT) And it has to be something I'm not embarrassed to say out loud. Like, I thought I had one figured out like 2 years ago, and I told my aunt and grandma, and they were both totally underwhelmed and I got totally insecure and embarrassed... Embarrassed enough to wipe whatever that name was right out of my head, like it never existed. So it has to pass the Grandma test. Not that she has to like it, but I can't feel foolish saying it to her.
So, I thought I'd share my wins and (mostly) losses in the never-ending, bane-of-my-existence, process of naming my Etsy shop.
A few months ago, as I was under the influence of antibiotics that made me drowsy, I came up with a list of names. Here are some of the winners I discovered a few days later on my phone:
Sassy Shells and Fancy Frames
Special Snowflake Products
Jazzy Junk and Stuff
... And my personal favorite: Pimpin Picture Frames
Now. Though I laughed at those, and was confused at others that I didn't bother to put on here, I knew I did have one winner-ish: Sassy Shells and Fancy Frames. Meaning: it said what my product was, it had alliteration (score!), and the true selling point, my mom liked it. So, for a few months, that's what I had unofficially officially named my shop.
But guess what happened when I went to officially name my shop on Etsy last week? IT'S TOO LONG. I CANT USE IT.
*mutters mild bad words under breath*
Okay. This is okay. I can work around this, right?
WRONG.
I try simply "Fancy Frames". Not all of my frames have shells anyway, so who really cares, right? Nice and simple.
NOPE. The name "Fancy Frames" belongs to someone else.
DRAT.
Okay. Alright. Well, not ALL my products are frames. I've blinged out, like, 3 sea shells before, and they were AWESOME. And, really, I do use a lot of shells in my frames. So I try. "Sassy Shells".
NOPE. Someone else has claims to Sassy Shells. (Really? I'd like to see your sassy shells. I doubt the amount of sass they possess has nothing on my evacuated sea-created husks. Mmmm-hmm, grrrrrrl.)
What the Fletcher Jones am I supposed to do now?
Technically, I've been rooting for "Jazzy Junk and Stuff" since the beginning. However, I don't think it'll do good for company or customer morale to refer to expensive, hand-crafted products as "junk."
"Pimpin' Picture Frames" comes in a real close second in my book as well, but it doesn't pass the grandma test. Well, actually. That's up in air. It's about 50-50 that she'd either think it was funny or not get it. But my Aunt probably wouldn't. I'm most concerned about the Ellie test, however. I can't have her going around telling her primary teachers about her favorite aunt's rad website if the word "pimpin'"s in it. I think it'd be adorable, but Steph probably would object.
So. Once again I am nameless. So, dear friends, family, readers, I'm out of ideas, and I'm totally turning it over to you. I beg, I plead, I implore, please come up with an excellent name for my Etsy shop. I'm so totally over this process.
Please, help a girl out. If I have to go something utterly lame and generic like "Holly's frames," I think all my creative juices will evaporate and die and my hopes and dreams shall be no more. Please, y'all, do it.
