Ode to a Bookstore

My first assignment in my English 106 class? Write a love letter to someTHING you love.

Wellll, now. That's something I can do.

Dear Bookstore,

My heart beats furiously every time I visit you, and I wait with baited breath in between our infrequent meetings. You will never understand the way you have invaded my senses. I dream of your smell, of the fresh ink and sharply creased paper, and the sound of hardbacks cracking open for the first time. I want to bottle your smell of anticipation and new paper and wear it every day like the most expensive perfume.

There’s a magic about you unlike anywhere else in the world. You may only be four walls, but inside you are filled with never-ending stories, twist and turns, encouragement and excitement. You spark imagination in even the most serious of patrons. Children can’t get enough of you: what a joy it is to come and let their imaginations wander away, visiting a different world.

You’re so comforting. I know that after a long, harsh day of the cruel realities of dentist appointments, rush hour traffic, and dirty dishes, I can always escape into your welcoming embrace. I know you will wrap me up in your warm arms and whisper sweet nothings in my ear, with a hot chocolate and a new release from my favorite author waiting for me.

 I know I can always be myself with you. You share my love for language; it’s one of the things I love most about you. You don’t care that I’m a dorky fangirl about certain authors and books. Instead, you rejoice with me and invite my favorite authors to come and visit, just for me. I could spend my entire life with you, Bookstore, and never know you fully. Even so, what I have come to know, I love most deeply. I never want to separate myself from you. Say you want me, too.

Fondly,
Holly 

Heeeey-How-You-Doin?

Dearest friends,

This is arguably the funniest thing on the internet. I have nearly peed myself on two different occasions because of this.

I have nothing to add.



I couldn't sleep the other night because I kept thinking about this. I'd whisper "Baberaham Lincoln" into the dark and burst into hysterical laughter again and again.

I was also on cough syrup at the time, but that's besides the point.

People are clever.

Just a Nose and a Feeding Tube

So, it's late at night, I'm half asleep, and as I'm washing my hands in the bathroom, I look at myself in the mirror and think, "Man, my face shape is weird."

Now, this is an impression that I feel, in not so many words, every once in a while. And, oddly enough, every single time I skype. I don't know what it is about skype on mobile devices, but it is ridiculously unflattering to my strange-shaped face.

So, usually when I have downer-ish thoughts like that, I'll retort to myself something like "at least you HAVE a ________________." Or sometimes, if I'm too lazy to come up with a motivational thought, a somewhat sarcastic "At least you're not dead."

So, in my half-asleep state, I automatically follow up my weird-face thought with a "At least you have a face."

And then I paused. To ponder.

Because doesn't EVERYONE have a face? I mean, it's kind of an essential, if you think about it. I guess you can do without most of it, but you've got to have at least a mouth or a nose to breath out of. Wait, you probably need that mouth-- you can't just do the nose because: eating. Unless you're on a feeding tube. That can go through your nose, right? But you need a head at least, to hold your brain. THAT you can't do without; my biology teacher told me so.

So, in conclusion, I am amending my statement to: "At least you don't have just a head with a brain inside and nothing but a nose with a feeding tube in it."

Although, I do still stand by my statement that my face shape is weird. Cause it kind of is.

And now, my friends, I can go to sleep in peace.

Pelting Posers with Pretzels

So, I just saw a funny post on tumblr talking about people wanting to pull a prank on Justin Beiber by getting a group of teenage girls to run into him in public and pretend they don't know who he is to see how mad he gets.  People were all "I'd pay you to do it!" And I was like, "man, I would pay to be able to do it!" 

And then I was thinking, if I did ever see him walking down the street, what would I do? I highly doubt my ignoring him would be a big deal, cause I'm not really a teeny-bopper. And then it occurred to me that my first thought would probably be "I should throw something at him!!!" Which is funny, because I'm not a violent person. 

And if I did manage to hit him with, say, a soft pretzel, or whatever was around, I would totally get arrested. But I would also get on TV... Mario Lopez would be all over that on Access Hollywood. And I would be the hero of the internet. Or, you know, tumblr, at least. 

But that's assuming I had any sort of aim and throwing skills whatsoever, which we all know is a major "HA!" So there goes that idea.

So, I guess the conclusion is, if you happen to see an article about Justin Bieber being whisked away by his security after some crazy person started throwing bread products around and took out one of his teeny-bopper entourage: I did it for you, internet.