Well This Sucks

Well, my Halloween was going to be lame enough when all I was doing was staying home and watching Netflix. Then Netflix crashed.

My life is nothing more than a sad, cautionary tale to be told to teenagers with introvert tendencies.

In Which I Recall Snorting Random Food Products For Fun, But They Weren't Fun To My Sinuses

So, I just watched a YouTube video about how to make yourself sneeze, in which they snorted a mixture of ground black pepper, cayen pepper, and red pepper flakes. They definitely sneezed, but I'm not sure they still possess sinus cavities.

So, of course this reminds of the snorting experiments I've done in the past. I know I've mentioned some of these in the past, but they're too good not to tell again. Especially the last one. Well, at least to me.

Seeing as I've never done drugs, these were very.... creative... experiences. I was twelve, okay? One does not make smart decisions when twelve. Especially when you're at a slumber party. We'd been hanging out at a park down the street from the house we were staying at, pumped because it was Friday, and it was a birthday sleepover, which made it a thousand times more exciting. The first few hours of a sleepover are always the best. Then some one pulled a packet of Kool-aid out of their pocket and I don't know if someone was dared, or did it to be funny (probably Stephanie, because she enjoyed snorting weird things. More in a minute) but somehow we decided to snort it. 

But this wasn't just any kool-aid. No, this was lemonade Kool-aid powder. I laughed and snorted it, too. After approximately four seconds deceptive calm, the burning kicked it. I could have shot fire out of my nose and set the world on fire. It stung like I'd snorted a hive of those massive Chinese hornets into my sinus cavity instead a pinch of powdered drink mix. Can you say migraine?

A few years later, and Stephanie and I have become besties. We establish a tradition of going to the pool every Christmas Eve eve, because, you know, Southern California. And what do we randomly discover? If you inhale water through your nose, it goes straight down your throat. YOU CAN DRINK THROUGH YOUR NOSE. And that, my friends, was the coolest thing we'd learned in a long time. (Like I said, we lived in Southern California. We had to educate ourselves--anatomy included-- because the government sure as heck wasn't going to do it.)

But the best of the best came when we were seventeen. Stephanie, myself, and our friend David were eating at a pizza parlor, having a grand old time when Stephanie decides to snort one of those Parmesan cheese packets. (Frankly, I'm surprised she didn't go for the red pepper flakes instead. Wait, no, I'm not. Because the more random the item, the more likely it was to go up Stephanie's nose.) 

The cheese-snorting induces the most violent sneeze attack I've ever witness. I mean, Stephanie is the kind of person who sneezes like eight times in a row anyways. I'd always count them when we were younger, cheering her on and annoying her so bad. One time I also said, "Come on, big money! Big money!" I'm pretty sure that was the last time I commented on her sneezes.

Anyway, she sneezed a record amount of times, practically convulsing, blowing chunks of phglemy cheese out of her mouth all over us and the table, and I hadn't laughed that hard in ages. I'm sure they considered kicking us out, we were so out of control. She kept sneezing cheese all night, and we just giggled ourselves silly.

So, moral of the story: you don't need anything as dramatic as burning spices to make yourself sneeze. Parmasen cheese works wonders, there's no burn, and according to Stephanie, at least your nose smells nice for a while.