Isn't He Precious

I'd just like the world to know that my cat cries outside the door every time I go to the bathroom

Because he cares that much.

Oh no, not about me. About letting me know that there's a tiny gap in the food in his food bowl, and he can now see the bottom, and this is clearly a violation of his dignity and he will not be in any way, shape, or form alright until this situation is rectified and he can again over-eat and barf on my floor, bed, or other personal belongings (see next post).

In Which I Say Strange Things In Retaliation to Diego Vomiting on My Favorite Footwear

So, I just walked into my room, ready to take a nice nap to recover from a really awful road trip last night and a possible cold brewing in my sinuses, and what do I find? My cat has barfed on my floor. But not only has he barfed on my floor, he's vomited all up along one of my favorite boots in some disgusting, gravity defying way. The cat in question is napping contently on my bed.

So, of course, I immediately start the berating. I mean, of all the places in the house, why my room? And why did you have to defy gravity in such a boot-destroying way? Those are my favorite boots! And so on and so forth and what have you.

So then, as I'm ranting and grumbling and Diego is giving me this totally content-lovey-dovey face because I'm paying attention to him (he's like a child-- or a Kardashian-- any attention is good attention, even the negative kind), my dad walks by. He walks by right as I'm threatening, "Next time I barf, I'm going to barf on you!" 

Which, granted, would be weird enough to hear at any time in any circumstance. (I don't claim to say intelligent things when berating my cat. I mean, he's a cat. He's going to do whatever he wants no matter what I say. Plus, you know, the fact that he doesn't understand what I'm saying. That may contribute.) I don't even know if he (my dad) heard, or anything, but I immediately realized that "next time I barf, I'm going to barf of you!" is probably a really strange thing to hear out of context. I mean, i would probably stop and investigate if I heard someone say it. But then again, I've said some really weird things in my lifetime, many of the to my cat, so my dad probably wasn't all that surprised.

I'm still ticked off about my boot. You're so blacklisted, cat.

How I Came to be Eating Macaroni Salad at 3 AM

Sometimes I get really intense cravings. Lately, I've been raving Little Ceasar's pizza. Not just any pizza, Little Ceasar's. And by lately, I mean like the last two weeks. And by the last two weeks, I mean that I wake up in the morning craving it for breakfast. And then lunch. And then lunch. And then dinner. So on and so forth. I assume this means I'm lacking in something and my body is giving me this craving so I can fix this deficiency. But what nutrition I could possibly gain from a Little Ceasar's pizza is  totally beyond me.

So, two nights ago, I'm almost asleep when this specific craving hits. It's so intense that it wakes me all the way up from my dozing state. This has never happened to me before. 

So, I'm obviously not going back to sleep until I do something about this craving. I can't ignore it this time. But it's like 2 in the morning. Little Ceasar's is not available,and this causes a problem. So I start to brain storm.

I don't think any other place sells pizza at 2 AM. Plus that would be really weird, ordering pizza in the middle of the night. I don't have the ingredients to make pizza at home. Pizza is officially not an option.

But we had rigatoni the other day. That has tomato sauce in it. And pasta is still Italian and therefore pizzalike. Feeling optimistic I might appease the craving enough to at least fall back asleep, I go to the kitchen feeling optimistic.

Optimism fades, however, when I look in the fridge and find the leftover rigatoni gone. Sigh. What else might work?

Well... There's a bowl of macaroni salad. Macaroni has pasta, like rigatoni. That might work.

So I get myself a spoon and eat some macaroni salad straight out of the bowl, at 3:02 AM. But first I make myself a glass of chocolate milk because that's my usual go-to for midnight snacks or cravings. I ate, my full belly was enough to sate my craving, and I went back to bed. The end.

I never did get my Little Cesear's. But we did end up going to a pizza resturaunt the next night. I don't think that normally would have killed the uber-craving, but I got sick off of it, so it kinda put me off Issa for a while.

Currently, it's 11:30 pm a few nights later, and I'm writing this to distract myself from terrible nasuea. This has been happening a lot lately: I'll lay down to go to bed, then 20 minutes later I'll get nasueas. Tonight it's especially bad. Bad enough to take nasuea medicine. 

Anyone got any idea why this phenomenon happens? Cause I'd really like it to go away.

Aw, man, I hope I don't actually have a stomach but today. I've got the whole hot/cold clammy thing going on, which doesn't usually happen. Ugggggggh. I don't wAnt to be sick! Ugh. Oh well.

Here's to sleeping on the bathroom floor...

In Which I Reflect Upon Food Poisoning

So, back in September, I wrote a post about many things, including how John Green and Bill Gates were teaming up with water.org to build wells in Ethiopia...

Anyways, at one point, I wrote:

"I understand that diarrhea is one of the leading causes of death in children in many countries, because you can't drive to walmart and pick up some Pedialite. Because they don't have clean water, or easy access to IV systems, they get dehydrated and die. From diarrhea! As inconvenient as it is, diarrhea isn't something we have to worry we might die from."

It's ironic that I was talking about dying of diarrhea, when I was unknowingly in the first few hours of food poisoning. Never have I been more sick.

Let me just say, I have a lot of experience being sick. I have a chronic pain disease. But this beat all. Let's just say that I now know the difference between a little stomach bug-- which I get a lot, it's a part of fibromyalgia-- and true food poisoning.

Even thinking about it now, it's like, oh. My. Gosh. It's been over a month, and I'm still in shock over the trauma that was food poisoning. Let's just say I got so exhausted that I stopped being able getting out of bed, so I collapsed on the nasty carpet in my bathroom and cried. And barfed. And pooped. And cried so more. Every time I see carpet I have traumatic flashbacks.

Huuuuuuughhhhhhhhhhhhhnuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnn.

(That was a shudder/gag)

What did I get so sick off of? I don't know. Mom and I had gone to the movies-- so I ate popcorn, which I don't usually eat (but Mom had, too, and she was fine) and we'd gotten candy at the dollar store that was a little stale, but other than that all I had was a turkey Subway sandwich. Although not fancy in any sort of way, it was decent enough. It was a sandwich. How can you sick off a friggin turkey sandwich?

And it's like, my body has no self-preservation. I see Subway commercials, and instead of being overwhelmed with nausea like a normal person, I'm only on the slightly negative side of indifferent.

No, the best part was that Dad was out of town, so it was just me and Mom, and she took a sleeping pill so she missed this entire thing. It brought me a smile to realize that I despite the fact I had nearly every light in the house on, her door was wide open, I was flushing repeatedly, crying and barfing/dry heaving loudly. And in those few moments of agonizing quiet between attacks, I could hear her snoring happily away.

... Also, I'm not ruling out that dollar store butterfinger that tasted curiously stale.

Knowing me, I probably caught some parasite along with the food poisoning that is slowly eating my inside, and attaching to my spinal cord in order to defecate in my spinal fluid and therefore soil and overtake my brain. All while making me poop my brains out.

I never want to see a toilet again.

In Which I Find My Previously Mentioned Airport Shirt and Slyly Throw In My Christmas List

FOUND MY FLYING SHIRT.



Also: this would work.
 

See my pinterest Christmas List for all this awesomeness and more.

Flying: Part Two

(October 27, 2014, continued)

So, flying.

I don't know if flying ends up being crazy ordeal for everyone, or if it's just me. Technically it ends up being more "crazy" than "ordeal", because apparently I attract the crazy. But it's always... Entertaining. I have never flown somewhere and not gained a story to tell. Literally.

Currently, I am in the air. On a plane. In case that wasn't obvious. Cruising over California, on my way to spend Halloween with Steph and her family, which I'm stoked about, but I'll talk bout that later. I have to get there first.

I've found that most of the crazy and ordeals happen in the airports, more than the planes themselves. People are chatty when flying. Like, really chatty. Also, cranky. This is probably because there's a lot of emotions involved with flying, and vacations, and especially the work -related  events (if the crankiness of business people is anything to judge by. Dude, business people, airport personnel are just doing their own jobs. You're not the only working person in the world. Tone down the attitude, maybe?). Which usually just means nobody is at their best. Travel brings out the worst in everyone. And the inner chatterbox in 89% of people.

And what do I hate? Having long conversations with strangers. I can do the casual answer-your-question or sitting-next-to-each-other-polite-comment, you know, the usual day-to-day polite-talk. But airports aren't your usual day-to-day activities. Also, there are exponentially larger amounts of old ladies in airports. Which means: your chance of getting sucked into a "let's-share-our-life-stories" conversation is astronomically high. Especially if you are me.

We're still not sure what it is about me that gives off the "TELL ME YOUR LIFE STORY!" vibe, but it's probably a combination of my tendency to smile at people, the fact that I'm often traveling with my parents (it says "I'm a good, family girl, but I'm also sort of a third wheel, and lacking a conversing partner, which SHOULD DEFINITELY BE YOU"), and I'm totally uncomfortable talking to strangers for more than two minutes (they can smell it on me, like fear).

So. Yes. This is my main gripe with flying, mainly because it ALWAYS HAPPENS. It becomes funny in the predictability of it. I really, really want to get a tee-shirt to wear to airports that says something about being an introvert or socially awkward to ward people off. CHRISTMAS, PEOPLE. I NEED. FLYING SHIRT. CHECK MY PINTEREST.

But there are more interesting flying experiences. Another big one is that I HATE it when people talk on flights. Because, mainly, it's ALWAYS strangers having life-story conversations with other strangers, which is, like, doubly bad as ME being involved in the conversation. It's TWO people I don't want to know about, and I'm forced to hear their life-stories. Because, of course, you HAVE TO SHOUT TO BE HEARD ON AN AIRPLANE, BECAUSE ITS LOUD, WHICH MEANS THAT THE WHOLE PLANE HEARS ABOUT YOUR WHOLE LIFE AND WITNESSES YOUR SAD FLIRTING, AND REALLY, I JUST DON'T. 

Guess who's behind me right now? Despite it being a less than half full flight? Yeah. I'm telling you. There's a certain vibe I give off that attracts these people.

Other strange things that have happened lately at airports:

1. A lesbian that I had acknowledge-smiled at on my flight winked at me when we passed each in the bathroom (in the airport). The fact that it was in the bathroom made it hundred times weirder.

2. A teenage girl talked to me non-stop throughout an hour and a half flight. I mean, nonstop. She didn't stop when I took out my book read. She still talked to me when I closed my eyes and tried to sleep. She STILL talked when I took out my earphones, put them in, closed my eyes, turned away, and tried desperately to sleep. I learned that day to never compliment anyone's backpack, because that's what started the never-ending conversation.

3. The old lady sitting next to me had a hobby of becoming friends with flight attendants-- cue life-story conversations-- and liked to give them little angel pins. Admittedly, the pin was really cute. But it was reply awkward for everyone around.

4. The old lady that followed me through 2 airports. She sat beside and told me about her grandkids for an hour before we boarded, and when we got of to transfer, so did she. So she followed us into a restaurant and randomly sat down at our table and continued to tell me her life story. It was so strange.  I would have been a better sport had my parents not been snickering the whole time: I'm a magnet to these people.

...... More I can't think of right now. I'm getting a little motion-sick.

I'm gonna read now and try not to take Dramamine. Dude, I'm so stoked... I'm going to Idaho! I'm gonna go see my sister and brother-in-law and my pseudo babies-- my little niece and nephew! And I get them all to myself... Just me visiting. And it's Halloween! I get to do all the Halloween-y things with the kids! This is like the first time Ellie (3) is really going to understand trick-or-treating and all that jazz, and this is Cameron's first-- wait, no, no it's not. He was a month old last Halloween. This is his first conscious Halloween! The first Halloween he gets to run around in a costume! The first time I've dressed up in years! I made a sweet mermaid costume and everything! It's gonna be so incredibly fun!

Totallllllllllllllly worth the flights.

In Which I Refrain From Dancing and Witness Mysterious Sewer Smells on a Plane

October 27, 2014

So, do you remember the commercials from Apple for the very first iPhone? (Which, by the way, I thought was the coolest thing the world. It totally and completely blew my mind that you could have music on your phone. WHAT.) You know, where there was some guy totally jamming out to his music, dancing his way through the normal people in some city?

I feel certain that, should this be a socially acceptable activity, that would be me on a daily basis. 

No, for real. I find myself having to restrain myself nearly every time I hear music these days. I can't tell if this is a good impulse or not. But it's pretty inconvenient that dancing like an idiot in public is not socially acceptable.

Psh.

***Random side note: I'm writing this on the plane on the way to Boise (listening to music, trying not to shimmy around to my music), and someone just cut one of the nastiest farts I have ever had the displeasure of witnessing. For real, it feel like I just got a huge whiff of a Port-a-potty that's been baking the sun for a few days... It's like raw sewer up in here. I'm like legitamitly worried for this offender... He may not be okay. He may be having a serious medical problem at our pleasant cruising altitude. Forget Ebola, someone's colon is aaaaaangry.

Huuuuuwhuuuuhhhhhhhhh

(That was me giving a massive gag)

Oh, good: someone near me got a coffee. I'd rather have coffee fumes wafting around up in here than sewer smells. 

Here's to hoping he makes it through our hour and fifteen minute flight... 

I Can't Blog at Night, Which is Proving to be Problematic

I have 14 posts in progress at the moment. Meaning, I often come up with some things I want to blog about at night, but I know that I'm too tired to make real sense with it, so I jot it all down in a scary mess of a draft post, to be made into something comprehensible at a later time.

Problem is, that later time hasn't been coming around. The draft post ideas are piling up, but they aren't turning into anything. Which Is, you know, kinda an issue when I want to accomplish a successful blog.

See, this is why I can't blog at night. It all comes out all strange.

But I wanted you to know that I have things going on in my blogosphere. You just aren't privy to them yet.

In Which I Find A Silver Lining

Sometimes I freak out a little about how well I fit the whole "crazy cat spinster lady" persona. At 23, it's a little disconcerting, to say the least.

But then I think, "well, hey, at least my cat likes me."

Silver lining, people!

In Which I Talk About The Awesomeness Of The All Things John GreenRelated

So, Mom continues to not enjoy movies-that-were-once-YA-novels. In her defense, she handled The Maze Runner today a lot better than she did The Fault In Our Stars. Oh, The Fault In Our Stars. 

I will never, ever be able to repay my mother for the trauma that I subjected my mother to by bringing her to see The Fault In Our Stars.

But really. It is a kinda funny story. Now. Weeks later. Long enough for the movie to leave theaters and come out on DVD. Where, in the extended cut, author John Green makes his cameo appearance that was originally in the movie BUT THEY CUT. Because, you know. I may or may not be an expert on all things John Green/TFIOS/nerdfighteria.

SPEAKING OF. 

JOHN GREEN AND BILL GATES are teaming up post-trip to Ethiopia to help raise money for clean water-specifically the building of new wells-- in Ethiopia. A few weeks ago John met up with Bill Gates in Africa where they saw firsthand the staggering lack of health care, and yet the tremendous good what little they did have was doing. In two 3 minute videos from John Green I learned more about the type of health care that does exist in developing countries than I've learned about in all my 23 years. I understand that diarrhea is one of the leading causes of death in children in many countries, because you can't drive to walmart and pick up some Pedialite. Because they don't have clean water, or easy access to IV systems, they get dehydrated and die. From diarrhea! As inconvienient as it is, diarrhea isn't something we have to worry we might die from.

So, Bill Gates said he'll match up to $100,000 in this campaign to raise money for clean water in Ethiopia. 

You can check out more information about it on John Green's tumblr. Or donate here.

And I encourage you to go watch John's video from his trip to Ethiopia! And while you're there, feel free to stick around and watch more of his videos with his brother, Hank at vlog brothers. They're amazing.

UPDATE: It's been about a day, and we've raised $78,000. Sweeeeeeeeeet.