Why Essay Writing Sucks

So, for English class we're writing persuasive essays. Oh, essays. How I hate essays. 

No, that's not true. I hate the scholarly demands of essays. I hate having to use scholarly voice and scholarly technique in essays. I mean, I could argue that what I call my "rants" are actually essays. Unorganized essays, but essays nonetheless. I don't mind those, because it's me writing on my terms.  Essays for school are me writing, often on the same topics, but on their terms. 

I don't like their terms. I like myself some style and creativity to say what I'm going to say. I can get points across so much better (and, yes, easier) when I don't have to fit a certain mold.

Then again, to become a true writer, we must master all sorts of writing styles, especially the ones that challenge us. Especially the ones we hate. 

But we reserve the right to not like it. Or rather, the write. 

Ahhhhh... Get it? The write.... Haaaaaaaa.... Puns. Word humor. (That one was for you, Dad.)

Anyway. Back to my point. Persuasive essays. Topic: any controversary of your choice. Yeah....  That really narrows it down. Thanks. After much staring blankly at my computer screen, I finally remembered  some cool TV commercials about talking to each other about mental health issues, advertising a super cool website, up2sd.org, our San Diego site for mental health support. So, my topic: the stigma on mental health, and what need to do to get rid of it so people can feel confident in getting the help they need, and not be driven to suicide.

Yeah, heavy.

I mean, you think of controversies, and you think, heavy, right? But, really, controversies are just issues that people have differing opinions about, right? That they feel strongly about? That affect their lives? So really, anything can be argued as a contravesy.

What fandom is better: Dr. Who or Sherlock? (Okay, "better" is probably too subjective, but whatever.) Why Frozen is the best Disney movie of all time. Are cats better companions than dogs? 

I mean, you see how you could take this ANYWHERE? I mean, it'd take a bit of creativity to turn it out as a whole paper, but it can be done. 

I'm almost tempted to do it. 

But with a grade on the line.... I'll stick to the heavy, robo-student topic and be like everyone else. And suffer. But pass the class. And get into the writing program. To write more awful-topic papers. To graduate with a degree. And go on to write novels that are the antithesis of modeled essays. All so I can have one little phrase to put on the back inside cover of my books... 

"got an English degree from BYU Idaho."