Fibromyalgia Diaries

So I haven't been posting lately. If you've noticed. Or if you haven't, well, I just pointed it out, so now you know.
So I thought I'd talk about what's been going on with me lately. Half because I want to explain, and half because I want to document... and half because I just want to talk about it. And if you're wondering how I can be 1 1/2 parts... you know I'm just that awesome :)

No, so, you all know that I have this super fun disease called (to be read in superhero announcer voice):
"FIBROMYALGIA!"
where my body likes to hurt for no good reason. Also, I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, which I haven't really discussed on here, but that's what's really the killer-- like I mentioned in a post a few weeks back, where taking a shower had me out on my back for an hour, it exhausted me so bad. It makes the most mundane things suddenly feel like you've been asked to run a twelve mile race while carrying eight bowling balls.

So, about a month ago I had this super major Fibro attack... it's been progressively getting worse for a while now, and finally it got to the point of sheer agony from the tip of my head to the bottoms of my feet and everywhere in between, and no matter what I did, I couldn't get any relief. Not even when I slept. So Mom was out of town visitng my Grandma Betty for ten days, and Dad was working, and I was home alone during the days, just dying from all this pain. I was getting dizzy and light-headed and heavy-futy migraines, and I wasn't getting any sleep because of the pain, so mentally I wasn't getting any rest, so I was starting to drive myself insane... Finally I just sobbed and sobbed because I just couldn't get it to stop... That night, I was up from two in the morning, my arms from the elbows to the wrist completely numb (super weird, right? I mean, really?) and when Dad woke up, I just cried and cried, and cried, and cried some more, and he said he'd take me to the emergency room, since we couldn't get in to see my doctor. Then I took a shower, and my legs started to go numb, so I got out and cried some more. And then we went to the ER.

Moving on, the ER wasn't any help--- no one knew what to do. I was fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuming mad. I would say other things but there's a good chance my mother will read this, so I won't say them. But I did get my very first shot in the butt! Shot version of ibprofin. Woot dog. Then, from there, we went to the partner of my regular doctor, who also had no idea what to do with me, but did end up prescribing me some muscle relaxers, which in the long run helped. Then, later that night, we went to Urgent Care, to get another one of the butt shots because they only lasted 6 hours--- so I got TWO butt shots in one day. I was pretty excited about that, which was random, because I was in so much pain, but I was excited that I had finally gotten butt shots, because we would be learning them next semester in school, and now I would have actually had patient experience with them...

So, after all that happens, it takes a good week or so, Mom finally comes home-- thank heavens!!!-- the muscle relaxers kick in, as do the steriods (oh, yeah, somewhere along the line I got steriods, did I forget that?) and the pain finally starts to go away. Left in it's place? Complete muscle weakness.

I can no longer stand for more than a minute. I can't stand in the shower. I can hardly walk around the house. If I'm walking out the driveway, I need to hold on to Mom. My arms shake if I hold a book for too long.

And I'm thinking... "What. The. Freaking. Crap?" (Sorry Mom.) I'm twenty years old. Not one hundred and twenty. Why am I considering buying a wheel-chair? Why am I looking up places to buy a seat you can put in your shower?  Debating on what color of cane to get? Getting rid of all my high heels, because, heck, I'll never be able to wear those babies again, so why torture myself with having to see them in my closet every day?

Over a week into this, I finally get into see a Rheumatologist, who deals with diseases of the autoimmunsystem, joints, muscles, that sort of stuff, where fibromyalgia patients go. She listens to me. Really listens to me. She asks in depth about my history, trying to make connections with my headaches and other problems. She seems to really understand what I'm telling her and instead of telling me to buck up, she wants to figure out what's going on as much as I do. However, it's not like my body can talk and say, "Hey, Dr. T, we've got MS!" or whatever. Not that it would. My body is a sneaky little devil that keeps it's problems hidden deep within itself where only the deep-searching or open-minded doctors go... So we have to take other routes: I did some X-rays, got an EKG, did some blood tests, and will have a lot more extensive ones done tomorrow.

Thankfully, my strength is coming back. I can stand a whole lot more now, and I can walk around quite a bit. I still haven't driven and gone anywhere by myself yet since all this has happened, but I slowly inching in that direction. I went to the beach today, and walking in the sand was pretty rough, but I didn't have to stop and rest for a minute, so I'm doing good. :)

Hopefully, hopefully, we can figure out what happened. This attack opened not just my mind, but my families mind at just what, and particularly what not my body is capable of. It's no secret that my life has been and is going to continue to be very different from the norm because of these health issues. But I'm thankful for all the support that I've been blessed with, and I'm thankful for all the things that AREN'T wrong with my body.

Although, I really, REALLY could have done without that bout of stomach flu this weekend. Stomach flu... food poisoning... deadly parasite....

I'm not ruling that one out!!!